Can you have casual sex with an ex?

Is it possible to make an ex a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits? That depends solely on the circumstances of your break up with the ex. I’d like to share two very different stories about sex with an ex that should help you make up your own mind as to whether or not you should treat an ex as a fuck buddy.

Sasha
“I broke up with my ex when I realised what a dick he was. He’d always be loving and caring when he wanted to initiate sex, but would soon turn into a distant arsehole after he’d got what he wanted. All my friends told me what a dick he was but he kept telling me he loved me and I believed him so would always go back. Anyway after the last break up it had been a few months since I had sex and I was really horny so I messaged him and asked if he wanted to hook up. I made it clear that it would just be sex and that I was just looking to get laid. We met up and had sex, but it wasn’t the best at all. He was such a selfish lover and didn’t try at all to get me off. I left the experience unsatisfied and upset. I should not have gone back to him and I was stupid to think I could keep the relationship casual.”

Veronica
“I broke up with my ex about a year ago, but bumped into him in a bar recently. The break up was mutual and very calm – we just wanted different things in a partner. We got chatting and laughing together and talking about old times and what we were up to now. One thing led to another and we ended up back at my place and had an amazing night of sex. I orgasmed 3 times and I know he came at least four times. Anyway we talked about what had happened the next day and even though neither of us was ready to be boyfriend and girlfriend again, we decided to meet up the next week for some more fun. It was great again! We’ve met up several times since and even though we know we don’t work as a couple, sexually speaking we’re a total match. I don’t know how long it will last…probably until one of us meets someone else I guess…but we’re enjoying ourselves so that’s the important bit!”

There’s a big difference between these two accounts that can be summed up in one word “Enjoyment”. Sasha did not have a happy break up (nor a happy relationship by the sounds of it) which eliminated any chance of enjoyment she would have had sexually with her ex. Veronica on the other hand was very content in her life and the break up with her ex was mutual and mature. She knew they weren’t right for each other in a couple context, but was mature enough to have casual sex with her ex knowing that.

The basic lesson is if you had a bad break up with your ex then going back for sex is not usually a good idea. You need to be balanced and able to enjoy sex.