Not everyone is compatible with everyone else. It is not about how “good” you are in bed, it is about whether you are good for each other. Sexual compatibility is a key factor in your sex life, and 80% of this takes place at the selection phase. Have you selected someone who is compatible with you? If you haven’t, no amount of work, alterations, changes and growth will be able to fix your sex life, leaving you with two options: Accept that the sex will never be good, end it with them. I would always be a proponent of the latter, because I understand what a nightmare having a bad sexual partner can be. If you have never experienced it, here are some of the things that you have never had to deal with. For those of you who have had a fuck buddy or friend with benefits that has been sexually incompatible, all of this will sound very familiar to you.
They don’t want to do the same things as you in the bedroom
Different people want to do different things in the bedroom. This can take a variety of forms. It can be wanting to use different sexual positions, it can be wanting to use toys or not use toys. It can be wanting to dominate or be dominated, or it could be a specific fetish or desire that the person knows will really help them to be turned on. For some people it can simply be the time of day – some people only want sex at night, others only want it in the mornings.
When you want very different things, if the partner is not willing to even give it a try, this is a totally knightmare! You want them, you want to be turned on by them, but if they are unwilling to even get involved and try things out, you are stuck being unable to express yourself sexually with them. It is the equivalent of being told to “shut up”. It is awful.
You are left unsatisfied
You are sexually unsatisfied. They may be amazing in other areas, but you are left wanting in the bedroom. If this is an open relationship then this is not a problem as you can get your kicks elsewhere. However, if this is a monogamous relationship this is a knightmare to deal with. Dumping them purely on the sex seems so shallow… yet you cannot sleep with anyone else, so if you stay with them you are signing up to a life of sad sex. It is an awful place to be in.
You feel like a horrible person for ending it
If you do end it, you feel horrible that this is the reason. You can never tell them that it is because they are bad in bed, for this would crush them, but this is the reason and you know it. You have to carry that with you afterwards.
It is a real shame when you are incompatible. If you are, the best thing you can do is to end it fast. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be.
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