We haven’t talked about this for a while so what better time than January to discuss polyamorous relationships. In short this is a specific kind of casual relationship between two or more people. There are specific rules for conducting these relationships separate from the normal casual sex rules. We’re here to clear up a few of the myths and legends surrounding this ever growing community.
What is Polyamorous?
If you’re looking to open up an existing relationship to a third or even fourth party then you’re entering a polyamorous relationship. It basically involves having more than 2 people in a relationship at one time.
How do I know if I am polyamorous?
There is a distinct difference with a polyamorous relationship to another casual sex relationship. With standard casual sex you can have sex with any number of different partners. With a polyamorous relationship you agree to have sex with a specific number of different partners in an open and honest manner. Basically each member of the relationship knows about the others and agree that all parties will have sex with each other.
What about jealously issues?
The problem with this type of relationship is that it can create feelings of jealously amongst some or more members of the group. Unlike casual sex whereby you can shag about and not really have to think about who else your sexual partners are sleeping with, a polyamorous relationship means that you are always aware of your partners and their habits. However there is a way to deal with this in the relationship. Polyamorous relationships try to deal with the jealously straight away by cultivating a state of ‘compersion’. Compersion is a state in which you derive pleasure from seeing your partner with other lovers.
Commitment?
Generally this is defined in the same way as other relationships: openness and honesty at all times.
Conflict within the relationship?
This is always worked out best by being open and honest to all parties. Unlike in a monogamous relationship where things can be compartmentalised and hidden, in a polyamorous relationship things must be addressed openly. Good communication is key to dealing with conflict.
Is it for me?
If you’ve read any of this and feel you strongly identify with aspects of it, then you might be leaning towards a more polyamorous lifestyle than just casual sex. Try it out if you feel this way. If not, carry on as usual.
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