Sometimes when things are getting heated in the bedroom, feelings can get out of control. In many ways, a sign of how well things are going is when you get sexually out of control. The best orgasms happen when you really truly let go, when you and the person you are with allow your carnal desires to really come out, to be unleashed till all there remains is your body, their body, and an indefinable need to have each other in an extreme a way as possible.
One of the paradox’s with this is that to reach this stage of total wanting-longing-having-taking, you have to just give in to your urges and let go of control... and this is where there is a danger zone. Sometimes, for what ever reason, the other person may decide that regardless of build up, that they don’t want to have sex with you, or that they wish to stop. At this point they will make this clear by saying this. If this happens at a point where the build up has been huge and you are ready to just let go and give in to the need, the exercising of will power to pull back can take quite a lot of effort.
It may feel like you are losing out, you may be made to feel insecure by this, insulted, and ultimately left frustrated. However the presence of the “no” as an absolute is a crucial ingredient that is necessary in to order to reach the point of total abandonment. See here is how it works.
In order to be able to totally let go and just do what you want with your partner you need to know 100% that they are consenting and on board with this. You need to be sure. As things progress you may move to doing more interesting or unusual things in the bedroom. Whether that is playing around with some rope and tying the other person, or more hard core BDSM. Whatever you are doing, you want to be able to push the boundaries into fantasy with confidence, and without fear that you are doing something without consent. This is where the power of “no” comes into its own and works hard for you.
When you both know that no means no, the other person can more readily be presented with new things with out fear – they know they can stop it at any time. As for you, when you know that they can say “no” – you can push things as hard or as fast as you like, because you also know that if they are uncomfortable, they can stop things at any time.
The presence of the word “no” serves both parties! Embrace it!
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