We’re not naïve enough to believe that all our members here are single. As such we thought it would be worthwhile exploring the subject of affairs and specifically as to why they happen. The reason for this is to just prepare you fully in case you hook up with a fuck buddy who may have a long term partner and to help you understand as to why they might be here looking for sex.
Having studied a lot of affair confessions both in print and online media, one thing is very clear: they usually happen because one partner feels an intense dissatisfaction with their relationship. Interestingly this dissatisfaction is both sexual and emotional. Here are a few confessions we managed to get hold of by conducting a survey. All names and locations have been changed for the purposes of anonymity.
“I am hopelessly physically unsatisfied with my marriage…which is why I started sleeping with multiple men. At first I just tried masturbation for a few months but eventually I wanted more. The men I sleep with I usually only see once, sometimes a couple of times, but they give me what my husband can’t. I love my husband and can’t bear to break his heart, but I can’t deny my need to have sex.”
Milly, 43, County Durham
“I live in a sexless marriage. I started at a new company about 18 months ago and the guy who hired me was physically attractive, if a bit dull. After a few weeks it was clear that we both fancied each other. Even though we were both married it was obvious that something was going to happen and we kissed in the office once after work when everyone had gone home. We arranged to meet up in a hotel and had sex a week later. I felt so guilty but I couldn’t stop. Eventually one night the sex changed and I felt like we were making love. And that was when I realised the affair had taken on a new twist. I felt even guiltier. My husband despite being no longer interested in sex is a loving caring man and father. I don’t want to hurt him or our marriage but I’ve also now developed feelings for this man at work who actually made my knees go weak at a seminar recently when he whispered in my ear how much he loved me. I feel trapped by both situations.”
Camilla, 30, Port Talbot
The interesting thing between these two accounts is the difference in why these affairs happened. Both began from a purely physical need, but the second also has a huge emotional element attached to it.
Sex is often a key component to any lasting relationship, but emotional detachment from an existing partner also plays a part in the reasons for affairs.
“My sister in law had always joked with me that I was the one she should have married rather then my brother. She was always complementing me on how together I had it – a successful career, new hot young girlfriend every week. She didn’t know that I had been attracted to her for a while, and because she was married to my brother I kept that to myself. One night at a family get together, my brother went to bed and we were left alone in the garden. She then broke down in tears and told me how unhappy she was with her marriage and how my brother never seemed interested in her or the kids (yes this gets worse). I didn’t know what to say. Instead I kissed her and she reciprocated. I then told her how much I’d liked her since I met her. She felt guilty and went to bed. I left early the next day without seeing her. She then started to text and IM me. We met up a few weeks later at a hotel and had sex. Since then I keep seeing her and she’s talking about moving her whole family down to London to be closer to me. I feel like such a dick. She’s my brother’s wife! But I can’t stop seeing her and she makes me feel amazing! I don’t know what to do.”
Gareth, 39, London
Taking into account these confessions, we hope this goes some way in helping you out if you do hook up with a fuck buddy who is in an unfulfilling relationship. We also hope it will go some way to helping both parties navigate casual sex without anyone getting hurt.
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